Image Courtesy of SashaW
More often than not, how we feel about ourselves is based largely on how we think other people – especially those important to us – feel about us.
Therefore, other people’s opinions of us have a direct and major influence on our level of self-acceptance and self-esteem. The better they think of us, the better we can accept ourselves and the more confident we feel about ourselves, and vice versa.
In the past, I had been very concerned about what other people think of me too. However, over the years, I found that at times, this characteristic was not doing my self-esteem any good because there are just some people who have a propensity to criticise but never willing to give encouragement.
People will never stop making and passing judgments on you because that is human nature. It is a habit of all human beings. Some of these could be good, some could be bad. Nevertheless, we tend to pay more attention to the bad than the good.
But a few years ago, I’ve learnt how to not allow these judgments to affect me because they could be extremely detrimental.
I looked myself in the mirror one day and told myself that, “People will always judge you based on what you have done or achieved.
But instead of judging yourself based on other people’s judgments of you, you have to learn to judge yourself based on what you believe you’re capable of achieving.
You don’t need anyone to tell you how your future is going to turn out. You will decide how your own future is going to turn out.”
From that moment, I knew that if I were to free myself from other people’s judgments, I had to thoroughly accept myself for who I am based on my own judgments.
You too, could do the same, and should do the same. And in order to do that, you have to first…
Acknowledge Yourself
You have to understand who you really are before you can start accepting yourself unconditionally. In order to achieve that, you have to disclose yourself to either a person who’s really close to you, or simply to yourself.
Personally, I’ve chosen to disclose it to myself, in front of the mirror. I assumed the person in the mirror to be my closest friend.
And whether it is to somebody else or yourself, just make sure that this person is totally open to accepting whom you really are and will not attempt to make you feel ashamed or guilty about yourself.
This is to make sure that you’re able to pour out all things good and bad about yourself so that you don’t hide anything or be in self-denial.
It is always easier to admit your own good points than bad points. However, you can’t allow yourself turn a blind eye to your own shortcomings if you were to truly understand and accept yourself.
Everybody has flaws. Nobody’s perfect. Your flaws are just a part of you. They are what complete you as a person.
You can seek to become a better person. But do that later. Now is the time to simply acknowledge who you really are.
This simple exercise will help you to face your own shortcomings in a brand new fashion, thus allowing you feel more at ease with yourself.
Accept Yourself
Once you’ve acknowledged yourself and did it without the judgments or criticisms of the person you’re disclosing yourself to, you’ll be able to honestly look at yourself and admit you’re less than perfect, but so is everyone else.
It doesn’t matter whether you think you have more shortcomings than virtues. Just remember, everybody has both. So do you.
You don’t have to seek to become the perfect person that you thought everybody is expecting you to be. The truth is… Nobody is expecting you to be perfect.
The key to accepting yourself is to feel at ease with yourself for whomever you are. Once you’re able to do that, you’ll be able to accept yourself for the person you truly are, with strengths and weaknesses, virtues and shortcomings.
Next, the approach to heighten your level of self-acceptance is simply to focus on your strengths and virtues, rather than your weaknesses and flaws.
List Your Past Accomplishments
As mentioned earlier, we tend to pay more attention to the bad than the good. Well, now is the time you turn this around by taking a pen and paper and list down all your past accomplishments.
Make a list of at least 50 past accomplishments which might include learning to ride a bicycle, getting your driving licence, getting your first date, getting your first job, etc.
After you make the list, pin it up on your wall so that you’ll be constantly reminded of your own past successes.
From now on, constantly update your list with all your latest accomplishments, large and small, so that it’ll keep growing.
This simple exercise will have a positive psychological impact on your mind making you believe that you have virtually unlimited potential to do what you want to do, and achieve what you want to achieve. There are simply no goals too large.
In Summary
You don’t have to let what other people think of you determine if you’re good enough. You just need to decide that you are good enough.
To do that, you have to first acknowledge yourself by disclosing yourself to someone who will not criticise or judge you. That person can be YOU. The purpose of this is to allow you to feel at ease with who you are, even if you have many shortcomings.
Then you have to accept yourself for the less than perfect person you are simply because nobody’s perfect, and nobody expects you to be perfect. You’ll be able to do this once you’re truly at ease with whoever you’re.
Lastly, focus on your good points and continually and regularly remind yourself of your own accomplishments to enhance your belief that you’re great and that you can achieve great things.
Cheers~
P.S. What strategies or tactics have you used to raise your own self-esteem successfully? Please share them in the comments section below.
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